I don’t know whether you are reading this or not.
It’s been two weeks already and you’re not back from your parents’ home. I know because I am still tasked to visit and check your house every once in a while.
I don’t know because some other agent has kept me up to date with your daily activities and habits. Agents are not meant to communicate with one another. Nothing that has to be relayed to the machine is ever shared with anyone else.
It cannot be.
But I do have my sources, and I know you’re okay.
Today there are no stories, mostly because you know I’m not good at them.
Today I’ll talk about home, not yours or mine, but the general home.
The sense you get when you leave somewhere that used to be home but isn’t anymore, and reaching a new place that was always meant to be home.
The thing about home is that it is never meant to be forever. Everything is temporary.
Leaving your home, finding a new one, losing it all. It all is a never ending process.
You are home now, you are not home.
Both of these affirmations are real, at the same time.
I am home right now, sitting on the front seat of my car, eating an already cold hamburger and trying to pick greasy cool fries out of a sticky packaging. I am home when I am sitting outside a department complex, or walking around the city without a sense or reason.
It is easier for me to be home.
It is easier for Screws to be home. We have nothing, we are nothing. Home is wherever our bodies take us.
Home for you is a place that holds memories the way you could not when you were younger. Home is where you go to relax and avoid people.
Home is a cat that sometimes runs away and comes back with pigeon feathers.
Home is walking by Daisy down the halls, talking to neighbors you don’t even know.
Home, like most things in our lives, is just another pretty lie.
We will never truly belong anywhere.
At least I belong in my body, you were not afforded the same courtesy.
But I would give up my home, I would give up my body if I could be just another person on the street, just not to notice.
I would give up many things, just to forget everything I’d be giving up; everything I already gave up.
You are home, but you are not home. I am always home, but I am never home.
These affirmations are all true at the same time.
We are never true.