Posted in Writer's Block

NaNoUpdate

Yeah, I said I was going to be an asshole with these updates.

Sorry it’s taken me so long to deliver on all the things I promised… it’s just been a weird week?

But, anyway! Here’s the promised NaNoUpdate… two weeks later (?)

I suck.

Continue reading “NaNoUpdate”

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Posted in Poetry

To my High School Self,

 

I know I will never be as brave or as afraid as you were.

I know I will never have to hold myself up the way you did.

I know because of you that tears taste like stormy oceans in the morning,

and that I have fingers that claw and tear people apart

just so they don’t have to brave the cold alone.

 

I learnt with you the power of words

– and of silence.

 

I’m sorry that loneliness was your teacher,

and and that your hands never met warmth.

I’m sorry that there are stories you’ll never share,

I’m sorry about the ghosts and the mirrors and the darkness,

God so much darkness.

 

I’m sorry that you could not be braver or more afraid.

I’m sorry that you had to carry dead bodies with you,

holding hands in a chain of despair

for all the versions we had been.

 

I’m sorry that hands and lips and thoughts–

I’m sorry that you cried, and I cried, and you cried and I laughed.

 

Hair is softer than we thought it was,

lips are warmer than we thought they were,

and salvation is sweeter and bitter at the same time.

 

Love was love was love was love was a lie.

 

You bit through your tongue so you wouldn’t have to lie.

I remember the taste of blood in the back of my mouth,

like a foolish lover that wouldn’t let us die.

 

Oh, how you loved to die.

You died everyday for a year.

The bodies piled up, and up, and up, and up.

Dead bodies wherever the eye could see.

And you held hands with them all.

 

I know touch–

I know fingers and hands and arms,

I know things you never knew.

 

I wish you had known that arms hold the way fingers touch-

gently, nervous, loving-

that you can love someone without losing the lie.

I wish someone had told you that love is love is alive.

 

I wish life had given us flowers and giggles and an adventure after the other.

 

I know you wished for arms that hold like fingers –

careful, scared, beautiful-

that you could’ve loved someone without the lie.

I know you believed that love could be alive…

if it wasn’t with you.

 

I’m sorry that it was never with you,

I’m sorry that you had to lie.

 

I’m sorry, above all, that you died,

that I’m holding your hand the way you used to-

frightened, sad, and lonely-

I’m sorry that you never loved you the way I do,

that you never could.

 

To my high school self,

I know.

I’m sorry.

I love you.

-L.

Posted in Personal Blogging

Hello

So, I’ve been trying to write this for a while.

I promise.

I’ve written some drafts and then scrapped the whole thing because I couldn’t make it sound the way I wanted to.

When I started this blog, I made the implicit promise that I’d try to keep a certain tone while writing. Not when I was sharing things that were meant to be sad, but when I talked to you about other things.

I wanted to sound cheery and happy and all that jazz…. but I couldn’t. Not right now.

I’m sorry I’ve been so absent lately.

I’m sorry I didn’t post the promised updates. Everything going on in the world and particularly in the US has been making me feel… honestly like shit. So I can’t pretend.

I won’t promise to come back next week in a better mood because I honestly don’t know if that’ll happen.

I kind of promise to keep you posted. That I’ll keep wiring small posts to let you know how I’m feeling.

Maybe no one’s reading this right now, and I don’t mind. I just want to leave this message here for a moment in which I look back and see this… gap where posts should be. I want to remember what happened and how I was.

I care and I worry about all of you out there, receiving and maybe even spreading hate.

I’m from Chile, so why do I care? I care because I have this thing called “empathy” and I really, really care about everything going on in there. I care because I have friends in the US. I care because I know this election has validated a lot of hateful thoughts and actions. I care because I don’t want to see people who’ve been through hell and back being forced to relive all that.

I’m sorry I can’t be bubbly today.

I’ll try again later.

When I’m done writing and re-writing the update posts, I’ll let you know.

For now, there’s just this.

-L.

Posted in Personal Blogging

What the Fuck US

Bruh, you had one job.

You only had to not elect the buffoon that has less experience and qualifications for running a country than I do for running this blog.

WE ALL KNOW HOW MUCH I SUCK AT RUNNING THIS BLOG.

I just….

you guys!

I’m still processing this.

I will not rant. Don’t worry.

I will post my scheduled updates tomorrow because WTF dude, I needed some time to think.

WTF.

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

GUYS

-L.

Posted in Personal Blogging

A life update

Hiya, everyone!!!

Short message from by bed on Monday at 00:42.

First I wanted to apologize for the lack of NaNoUpdate this Friday and of Secondary Sunday yesterday.

I have my (shitty) reasons for this that I will explain today in the afternoon or tomorrow if I am unable to post later today.

The short version of why I didn’t post is that I am working on some real life things and in between stressing over my (hopefully) academic future and all the things that need to be done (and are being done) I 1) completely forgot I had to write a SS, and 2) didn’t have the time to update on Friday.

Expect more details soon.

Oh, also: I shaved my head yesterday… I just wanted to let you know. It was a purely cosmetic desicion, btw.

-L.

Posted in On the Table

Today’s Special is: Alice Isn’t Dead

Hello, random people from the internet who sometimes read what happens here.

(oh, if you’re reading this: Hello, Tamara)

So, today I wanted to try my hand at something new. When I first started the blog I had a few sections planned that I definitely wanted to work on in the future. As a result, this particular post has been sitting in my drafts for a while now.

On the Table is a section where I try to convince you to like something that I am completely in love with. These won’t be fully fledged reviews though, so I will only post vital information and things that I liked in general. If you, at some point what to read a full review with quotes, notes and me crying all over the place, please let me know.

Continue reading “Today’s Special is: Alice Isn’t Dead”