Posted in Poetry

Fears that I have Lived

You don’t conquer a fear, you face it.

Every day for the rest of your life.

Sometimes you do it head on,

others you politely ask it to move aside.

 

Most days, you stare at it right in the face

and you know this will be the day.

This is the day you’ll be paralyzed by its knowledge of you,

by what it knows and what you don’t yet know.

You’ll stand there, frozen,

while everyone else walks by  and wonder,

“Why aren’t you moving?”

 

Because while you face fear, others can’t see it.

As you stand there, frozen and motionless

fear can see you, can feel you.

It traces your thoughts into clay like skin,

sinking fingerprints into a glass that was never taught how to be glass.

 

You were never meant to be clay.

You were probably steal before the fear came.

Glass and sand and pretty fingers with well-kept nails.

But the fear saw you and it wanted you.

 

So you stare at each other as people come and go,

and they wonder “Why aren’t you moving?”

but fear holds you for ransom so you cannot speak,

cannot see beyond black pools of loneliness and anger.

You can’t see beyond the chasm that is yourself.

 

Because fear wants you in the only way you can want yourself,

it wants to feed off you,

wants you to understand that it knows you because it is you.

 

Fear owns you like you have never owned anything before.

 

You cannot conquer fear,

you become it.

You welcome it with open arms and loose wrists.

You twist it into words others understand

until it’s just another part of you.

 

You don’t conquer a fear, you face it.

Every day for the rest of your life,

confronting it for who it is.

Sometimes you do it head on,

waving your hand against your reflection in the mirror,

others you politely ask it to move aside,

twisting careful feet in sheets to get up in the morning.

 

You don’t conquer fear,

you become it.

You own it.

It owns you.

L.

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Author:

23-year-old writer from Chile. Currently reading, writing, and trying not to lose my mind.

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