I’ll be completely honest with you, I have no idea how to begin this.
Truth is, I’ve never known how to being things. I am much more comfortable to jump in when things are already on their course, or pretending that there was something there when there really wasn’t. I don’t know why that is, but having to actually introduce this, figure out how to start or what to say makes me very anxious.
Maybe it’s because I’m an over achiever?
I’ve always wanted to be my very best, to do as well as I possibly can. The possibility of failure terrifies me.
You know, maybe that’s why I tend to give up halfway through projects… maybe that way I don’t have to see it through a bitter ending.
Every blog I’ve ever kept has met its untimely demise.
Some by me deleting them…
Others by sheer avoidance…
And others have faded out of my memory…
Gone… Until I remember their existence at 2 A.M. in the morning when the only thing that’s keeping me tethered to my bed is the knowledge that getting up will be no better than lying awake.
We are all haunted by our failures, by the times we gave up, the things we fought to forget… and maybe even the people we hurt.
I hope this blog will not become that.
I hope I can actually keep this. Even if no one is reading, I want to write here.
What do you know? Maybe this’ll be my new journal (I suck at keeping journals; I only post the bad stuff and keep the good for myself)
Even now, I wanted to be funny but I ended up dragging my words through this post to the point where I can’t even tell if I’m saying something or not.
I can’t promise the rest of this blog will not be like this… But I can try.